I’ll Be Wicked For Good

Dang!

It’s been a crazy month. Banquets and concerts and graduations, oh my!

For Christmas, my mom got my sister and me and our daughters tickets to the musical Wicked, which is playing in Omaha right now. I saw Wicked in Chicago, and had really wanted my daughters to see it, so everyone was pretty excited when we loaded up in the car to drive to Nebraska. Being from Nebraska, I can tell you that is a rare emotion for people to have when leaving for the Husker State.

It was just Oldest Daughter, Youngest Daughter and myself – the men stayed home. We gave YD her dramamine and sea-bands, let her konk out, and then OD and I sang and told each other terrible stories for five hours. It was awesome. YD woke up for the last hour and joined us.

We arrived at my mom’s cabin, which you may recall was ground zero for The Great Plugged Toilet a couple of years ago. It always feels a little damp and smells like a cigarette is lit, but it’s fun. My sister and her family came over and brought pizza and we stayed up talking and preparing for the awesomeness that is Wicked.

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I put this picture up because it crops out my wardrobe malfunctions, as I realized after I got there that these are the items I forgot:

1. Toothpaste

2. Hairbrush

3. Deodorant

4. Age-defying facial cream made from unicorn horn and tears of babies

5. Perfume to cover the smell of fear

6. More than 2 super tampons

7. The shoes that matched my outfit

Oh yes. That is how prepared I am to barrel through life as I do. And by the way? Every single time I leave for the cabin, I get my period, whether due or not. Because the cabin is the WORST place on the planet to have it. Thank you, Universe.

Oldest Daughter came through on the toothpaste, deodorant, and perfume. My sister came through on the shoes, which kept me from wearing gold Old Navy flip flops to the Orpheum Theater in Omaha.

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Getting ready to start…

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My crowd of lovelies…sorry OD, it was the best one of everyone but you.

It was wonderful, of course. Then we went to my nephew’s baseball game and watched him pitch for an inning – he pitched a perfect game the day before, woot! – and then gorged on rolls and loaded baked potatoes and steak at Texas Roadhouse, which was pretty delicious and perfect for our rambunctious group and age range. OD said that she ate so much that she had a food baby growing and could feel it kick. Our table was done with our dinner, everyone was just talking, and everyone agreed we should go. Then, when everyone ignored her and kept talking, she said things like “Not Here is where I’d like to be if anyone is listening” and “Is everyone ready to go? Because I’m actually feverish with gluttony” and then “I might have to punch my way out of this booth.” I was the only one listening to her, and it was cracking me up. Teens. I love them.

We got up this morning, said our goodbyes, and drove back to the Quad Cities and promptly each took a Silkwood Shower. It was great to see everyone, and will be equally lovely to curl up in my nursing home bed with Current Husband tonight.

I hope everyone had a terrific holiday weekend! I’ll remember this one For Good.

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Bridge to LunchWithoutYa

With my oldest two kids, I spent a good chunk of time as a stay at home mom, and I really loved that gig. Things got done, or at least there was the appearance of things getting done. But now, alas, I work outside of my house full time, and while I love my job, DANG, nothing gets done and it’s really hard sometimes to be where I need to be for the kids. Especially for things during the day. Today was my last Lunch on the Lawn at my kids’ elementary, and I left work at 11 a.m. to grab some lunch and meet Youngest Daughter there. I had lunch and got on Interstate 74, and within a mile or two was stopped. Apparently there was a problem on the bridge going from Illinois to Iowa, and traffic was at a dead halt. I got on the Interstate at 11:20. I finally crossed the bridge at 1 p.m. A fifteen minute trip took almost two hours. I missed the lunch, my daughter didn’t eat, and she was one of the last kids to leave. *sigh*

Right at the end of the traffic jam, as I just got on the bridge, one guy in a truck decided that he wasn’t going to take any chances, so he decided to take both lanes just in case. He’s not moving in this picture. This is where he stopped his truck so I couldn’t get past him. Or the 5000 cars stopped behind me, also waiting for over an hour at least.

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Oh. You drive a big truck. So clearly you have a large penis, and are going to block all lanes of traffic with it. You must be very proud of it. Where, pray tell, are the faux testicles that should be hanging from your hitch? That should be your first stop when you get out of this traffic jam. Go out and buy your balls. To match your big, long, high-performance “truck.”

So I picked up YD, took her home (it was an early out today), gave her a kiss and apologized, and then left to go back to work. Where I also had to stay late because of my long lunch in the traffic jam. Yay!

Tonight YD had her last viola concert of her elementary school career. It was lovely. We’re very ready for middle, but I will miss having my little fifth grader. All orchestra concerts end with ice cream, that’s our rule.

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You earned it, Littlest Violist! Tomorrow night’s events? Basketball and National Honor Society induction – let the May Games continue!

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The Wrong Kind of Bars

It’s May, and that’s when the lives of people with kids in school becomes “ALL SCHOOL ALL THE TIME.” I’m checking in with you so you don’t think I’ve been taken by a serial killer or gone on a crack binge. It’s not drugs or murder, it’s MAY.

Tonight we went from an after-school volleyball game to dance to a Moving to Middle session to basketball open gym, and then home to make bars for Teacher Appreciation week. And that’s just Monday. The next 14 days are pretty much the same. But let me show you how much I love our teachers:

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Buttery Crumbly Raspberry Bar Deliciousness, that’s how much!

And let me show you how pissed George is at the teachers, because he doesn’t get any bars:

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“Please, Dog God, let her drop something.”

Tonight was the Parent Meeting for children moving to middle school. Youngest Daughter is going to be a middle schooler, so I’m going to have to turn in my Young Mom punch card, I will officially be out of elementary. Honestly, I like the older kids. Elementary kids are adorable, for real, but the teenagers are the ones I really love. They are so funny and smart and clever, and they still believe anything is possible. So YD going to middle school is an exciting time.

Here is one way elementary is different than middle – in elementary, they talk about the kid drop off in terms like “We ask politely that you refrain from parking in non-designated parking spots so everyone can live in harmony.” At the middle school, they have bigger fish to fry than the dropoff, so put on your big girl panties. Here are the instructions:

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The teacher explaining it even said “Do your hugs and kisses at home, but when you pull up in front of the school, open the door and kick that kid out of the car and keep moving, or you’ll be the one backing traffic up three blocks.” I’m sure some parents will be put off by his sentiments, but I’ve been dropping kids off at that middle school since 2008, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in my van saying out loud “Come on people, dump and run. Get that kid out of the car, and keep moving, I’ve got to get to work!”

I can’t wait. 2014-2015 is going to be a great school year.

Hope your May is survivable!

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I Found You, Reader!

Once the high school musical was over, I entertained great fantasies about how I was going to spend all of my spare time. I’d sleep in, eat cake, and drink red wine while reading …ANYTHING. Oh, to be reading again! But my great delusion ended quickly, because as most parents firmly rooted in reality know, April is the start of The Great End-Of-School-Year Activities Rush!

Yes, it has begun. For us, it’s the “Your Child Is Going to be a Senior!” meeting, and then the “Your Child is Starting High School!” meeting, and the “Your Child is Starting Middle School!” meeting. In conjunction with this is the slew of “This Is The Last Thing Your Child Will Be Doing As A (insert grade here)” events. There are the music banquets and drama banquets and sports banquets and student government banquet. There is elementary Lunch on the Lawn and Fifth Grade Graduation (during the work day, of course) and the school festival.

Last week, I had a three-hour meeting with another mom to plan the slide show for the 5th grade graduation. We met at a bar, and we got our business done in 10 minutes and then spent the rest of the meeting enjoying Discount Martini Night and talking about our little girls going to middle school, which made the martinis kind of a necessity. Since the other mom is tall and blonde and gorgeous, the bartender kept giving us samples, and I’m sure we (me) got a little loud.

At the end of our meeting, we were getting up and a woman came over and said “I don’t mean to be stalking you, but I really love your blog,” and I yelled “OH MY GOSH, THE ONE PERSON WHO READS MY BLOG IS HERE!” It was a really lovely moment, because let’s be honest, I haven’t been the most dedicated blogger lately, and it was so nice to have someone say they read it. And she was really funny and I was just sorry that we were leaving and couldn’t have a drink with her.

So thanks, Gentle Stranger, for making my night, and making the Great End-Of-School Activities Rush and my slight sorrow over losing my baby to middle school just a little better.

In other news, I had my first latte and first Diet Coke since Lent ended, and they were SO DAMN DELICIOUS.

Have a great week, Wifers!

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