All posts in Aspiring For a B- in Motherhood

Damn You, Wesson!


It has been a wackadoodle couple of weeks – I can’t even do a Day in the Wife, I’m going to have to go to Two Weeks In the Wife, which sounds like someone needs a bath. But I digress.

Both Youngest Daughter and Oldest Daughter were in the high school production of The Music Man, which I hadn’t seen before – and I LIVE IN IOWA. I think if the authorities in Iowa find out you haven’t seen The Music Man, they take you to the Missouri border and drop you off.

music man


I give you Ethel Toffelmier and Amaryllis. 

What did I learn? That OD can do the splits, and that YD can sing a little bit. It was fun and I’m always eagerly anticipating when it’s over after two months of hardcore rehearsals, and then sad when it finally ends. Everyone in the production was just so good, we are loaded to the gills with talent at this school. I love the drama kids.

The Son had three track meets in the last week, and got personal bests in three events – he can high jump at 5’2 now, he runs a 2:31 800-meter, and a 5:25 mile, which is not as fast as I can eat a half dozen donuts, but he’s getting there.

YD’s birthday was during the musical weekend, which means it was all but forgotten. One of her classmates has the same birthday, and his mom texted me and said “Is it okay if we do Friday this year for treats?” and I was like “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, YES.” because I hadn’t even thought about treats yet. We’ll take Monday!

But, oops. We forgot on Sunday. Crap.

Then on Monday, while apologizing for not having birthday treats for the day, she said, “Mom, I really want brownies. I don’t want cupcakes or cookies or anything. Just brownies.” and of course I said “Okay, that’s great, brownies tomorrow!” because at that point I probably would have offered to bring puppies for everyone in the class if she had asked.

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Are YOU going to tell this baby she can’t have brownies?
My kingdom for a quick 10 minute snuggle with this one.

I bought two boxes of brownie mix, a big foil sheet pan, and eggs, and when I got home from an appointment at 10 p.m. I started making brownies. The mix was in the bowl, the oven preheated and….


I’m out of vegetable oil. Seriously. And it’s now 10:30 and I need 36 brownies by sunrise. Damn you, Wesson! Damn you to hell!

The Son sees my distress and immediately goes to the Internet. “Mom! You can substitute apple sauce for vegetable oil!” I do have applesauce. How bad could it be?

Well, it’s not that bad. But not the same. So my family is eating the applesauce brownies, and I made another pan of chocolate lard bars to send to the school today.

Because sending the birthday treats four days after the birthday isn’t that bad, right?



A Day in the Wife

Hello, Gentle Readers

The four or five of you who read the blog when it isn’t about Iowa State have probably noticed that I’ve been lax in posting of late. To be honest, I’ve felt a little bit, for lack of a better term, cock-blocked in my writing. There are entertaining things that happen every day, that I think most of you would get a kick out of, but if it’s about any of the schools, quite a few teachers read the blog, and they might get offended. Or call the DHS, because they are mandatory reporters. If I write about family, my family reads it. If I write about work, work people or their spouses read it. If I write about my kids, some of their friends’ parents, OR WORSE, their friends, may read it. I once pissed off one of my neighbors by writing about the feral cats. Years ago, I pissed off a PTA person by writing about a PTA event. I’ve pissed off in-laws, friends, and people who apparently hate Gwyneth Paltrow. Because I give my opinion about things, and as Abraham Lincoln once said, “…you can’t please all of the people all  of the time.”

*sigh* DON’T I EFFING KNOW IT, ABE. Word. Read more…

Candyland, Niang Knee and Bloods

I’ve sort of done a lot about Iowa State lately (GO CLONES!! Can’t wait for Friday!) so I thought I’d do a palate cleanser before the next round of my Cyclone gushing this weekend.

The kids are on Spring Break, and since we did the Big 12 Tournament last weekend, they are home this week.

Youngest Daughter decided to celebrate by talking me into taking her to Candyland for Spring Break. I took her to the store and let her pick out the sugariest, nastiest stuff she could find, and she talked her brother into eating the sugar, staying up late, and playing Pokemon.

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Happy little camper.

Read more…

There Will Be Books in Prison

Conversation at our table tonight:

Youngest Daughter: “Mom, I have this homework sheet for school, I need to start doing the things in these boxes.”

ME: “Great. I love homework that involves extra activities. What are we doing?”

YD: “Not much. It says you can read to me while I’m taking a bath, but since I don’t take a bath and won’t let you in when I’m showering, that’s out.”

ME: “Relief. What else?”

YD: “Here’s Plant a flower and watch it grow.”

ME: “But since it is still below zero, I don’t think we can dig a hole in the tundra. Next.”

YD: “Find some facts about Daylight Savings Time.”

ME: “What class is this for?”

YD: “Reading.”

BOTH OF US: ?????

YD: “This one sounds creepy. Take your child to the park and count the children.”


ME: “See how many kids fit in your van. Tell them there is candy.”

YD: “Or puppies and free One Direction CD’s.”

OLDEST DAUGHTER, WITHOUT LOOKING UP FROM HER PHONE: “See how many you can fit in your van and then drive away as fast as you can to the next state and then you get to the airport and you fly to Mexico where another unmarked van will be waiting for you. Put the children in the second van and drive to the capitol building and talk to no one. Sell them all. Tomorrow, go bowling.”

ME: “Yikes.”

OD: “You started it. This is your DNA talking now, sister.”

And that’s how we do homework at our house. I’m feeling confident that it will be a long time before either of my girls get married.