Wow. I logged on to the blog account and found that not only had I not posted anything since mid-August, but that some Chinese spam company had apparently taken over the blog and tried to guest post a number of times. I can’t read Chinese, but I’m almost positive that it was really hilarious and better than anything I wrote this year. Or it was about Hong Kong and very threatening. I’m not really sure, the fortune cookie slips don’t cover the translations on “human rights transgressions” or “humor.”
So hi, lingering Wifers! And Mom. Because let’s be honest, Mom, you’re the only one here. So let’s be real with each other.
I really love my new job, and between it and the three humans I built and previously committed to caring for, it’s been pretty batshit crazy around here. But in a totally good way. I’m blogging because today I took the first paid vacation day I’ve had since June 2013, and it’s been AWESOMESAUCE TIMES FIVE. Let me tell you about my day – but first, let me tell you what I’m supposed to be doing: I’m writing a freelance article on Pecha Kucha for the Radish magazine, and it was due a week ago. So I thought to myself, “Self, take a day off and get the article done!” It’s important to note that Oldest Daughter is the lead in the fall play at her high school (not gonna lie, I’m totally bragging there, pretty proud) and The Son is in the middle of cross country season and is in 11th place on the team overall, third for freshmen (not gonna lie, I’m totally bragging there, pretty proud) and Youngest Daughter is rehearsing for the middle school fall play and she got lines as a 6th grader (not gonna lie, I’m totally bragging there, pretty proud) so the freelance article has taken a back seat. But way in the back of the van is Current Husband, because today is his birthday and all I got for him was a card and a Kit Kat.
DAMN.HOW QUICKLY THEY FALL.
What I’ve done today, when I’m supposed to be writing my article:
1. Slept in until 6:40. Damn straight.
2. Drove kids to school.
3. Got coffee at Starbucks.
4. Started laundry.
5. Made brownies for cross country dinner tonight.
6. Ordered more flowers for fall play concessions tonight.
7. Ordered tickets for fall play tonight.
8. Washed sheets for bed mother-in-law is sleeping on.
9. Fed George the Superpet.
10. Got on Facebook.
11. Wrote for 10 minutes, realized I didn’t check Twitter.
12. Went to the bathroom all by myself without being in a stall. Bliss.
13. Wrote for another 15 minutes.
14. Checked the Internet to make sure it is still there.
15. Took brownies out of oven. Tested one.
16. Took out garbage.
17. Took out recycling.
18. Did more laundry.
19. Looked around for anything else I could do other than write.
20. Got the mail, looked longingly at George Clooney wedding cover. Denied myself.
21. Sat at computer, wrote 10 words.
22. Pretended to be researching my subject.
23. Talked to George.
24. Took a shower.
25. Texted with OD.
26. Realized I’m so far behind and I’ll never get the article done.
27. Panicked for a bit.
28. Spent 45 minutes writing the rest of the article.
29. Submitted article.
30. Victory dance with George.
31. Took George to McDonald and got the two cheeseburger meal and a coke. Gave George one burger, plain.
32. Checked facebook.
34. Now looking at clock and realizing I have 10 minutes until I need to leave to deliver brownies/drinks to cross country dinner, and I’m in a robe and have wet hair.
35. Mild panic.
So now you can see why I never blog anymore. Because I’m not really a writer, I’m a procrastinator who occasionally likes to use the blog to avoid doing other things.
Hope all is well in your lives – I’m off to be the Brownie Fairy, pick up kids, and go to a play! Woot!