Recently, a co-worker was putting together a directory of our department, and we were supposed to give one word to describe ourselves. I’m always tempted in these situations to give a word that makes people think, like “Wizard” or “Badmintonress”, but I like my job so I refrain. I gave her the word “Unfiltered,” and then realized how very unfiltered that is, so I asked my boss what word I should use. He said “Team-Builder,” which is actually more like two words saved by the hyphen, so I told him his word should be “Rule-Breaker.” Which was a little unfiltered of me.
In another example of unfiltered behavior, we had a couple over last night. They’re the parents of a new good friend of Youngest Daughter, so the girls wanted to keep hanging out and Current Husband had just opened a bottle of white wine, so they parked for a bit. Are you cringing yet? Because I already am.
They are both incredibly lovely people, which means they probably won’t be hanging out with us long. The husband played college basketball for a rival team to mine, so I like to razz him a bit about the rivalry. The NBA Draft was the night before, and I was still worked up about the Iowa State players getting passed over, so while CH and the wife talked about skiing, the husband and I talked basketball.
After about 15 minutes of basketball talk, I said to him, “Have you ever thought about coaching?”
He looked at me for a minute, kind of confused, and said, “Do you mean on the college or professional level?”
I said, “Yeah. I mean anywhere. After you finished college ball.”
He said “Not really, I like what I’m doing now.”
Oh. Okay. That’s neat.
We chatted a bit more and then they gathered up their daughter and they left. As the door shut, Oldest Daughter looked at me, HUGE grin on her face, and said,
“Mom? FYI, he was the boys basketball coach at our school for 12 years and won a state championship. Just so you know for next time you ask him if he’s thought about coaching.”
What. TheHeck. Have I Done?
So I Google him, like any respectable person does in a time of panic.
Oh Holy Shit.
He coached the boys tennis team for four or five years and won a state title there. Then he coached girls basketball. Then he coached the boys team, won a state title for our school, and then just a few years ago became Activities Director, which is when I started working with him.
So I basically said to a guy who played Big Ten basketball, coached three sports and won two state titles, “Hey Buddy, ever thought about coaching? And by the way, I’m a complete dumbass. For the record.” This is a bit like running into Obama and saying, “Hey, you should think about getting into politics!” but on a more local level. I’m sure he’s incredibly grateful for my career advice.
Seriously. Foot in Mouth Disease. It’s real. I hope it’s curable. Does anyone know where I can buy a filter?